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2011/05/30(Mon) 22:32

It's official, I'm losing my language, cognitive and argumentative skills. Lack of practice and too much right brain development is probably the cause.

I have to stop hitting up a raw nerve with people and their straightforwardness. That's something I've always dreamed of becoming but lacking enough resolve to carry it out. Yet when it's applied on me, I feel compelled to argue back, even to the point of making myself look the stupid part.

Ugh, gotta back down a little. I just commented on one of my friend's new MMO experience with just a question, but the reply somehow provoked me. I'm not sure whether if I did the right thing, but I really meant no harm.

He's a good person, just terribly blunt. I shouldn't have the need to be angry, phew...


Someday when I look back upon this blog post, I would feel pretty weird about it.

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The Double

2011/04/02(Sat) 16:28

I know who my cherished true friends are, however the reverse is usually relatively unknown to me until the truth is revealed, often in a myriad of unexpected ways. Good news is always welcomed however.

I just marked H, a friend into the list of people I can constantly rely on whenever, wherever. And people in this list, I would even gladly die for them (and not just metaphorically speaking).

That horrendous issue from the year before has yet to be expelled from both my mind and soul entirely, I want to bury everything that isn't into a grave and move on with my life. However, uncertainties and denial kept bombarding, clouding my mind - to the point I became such a wreck, forever encased in blurred questions whose answers cannot be seek.

He graciously lent me his facebook account and I entered the profile and world of an individual I had last long left behind suspended in the whirlpool of time. I was mildly surprised by what I saw on his wall, it is the truth he has changed.

But only towards me.

All his comments, it was filled with emotions, light, and a warmhearted laughter with the occasional cracking of jokes. As far as I can remember, what I received was the polar opposite. One liners, random log-offs and multiple retorts with subliminal hidden messages.

As a person, he has failed, in both friendship, morals, pride and dignity.

And I digress, he has took up photography and also an owner of a Nikon D90. What's more disturbing is that his display picture on his facebook is somewhat similar to mine in terms of angle.

Somewhere in between, something went wrong and I don't know what it is.


Someday, maybe, but just not now.

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2011/01/04(Tue) 22:27

It's after today, I didn't realized that my hope and self-esteem could go any lower.

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2011/01/01(Sat) 21:35

New year, same old rage. I'm tired, really tired of it all.

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2010/12/27(Mon) 18:26

How do you forget someone?

How do you forgive someone?

How do you move on?

I try to accept the facts, look over the other side and try to move on graciously. But no, I'm not noble saint, I still can't overlook the fact that I got betrayed and hurt badly. It's not like this pathetic excuse for a scrap will care whether I am angry or not, as long I stop 'appearing' in his life.

Some close friend, I cringed at the thought that such a term was previously existential. Why, why come into my life and befriend me when you're just going to toss me aside? Fear makes the even the most loyal stupidly illogical.

I hate to curse and dislike someone, it's a waste of my time and emotions really. But I really need help with this one. What can I do?

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